Saturday, April 21, 2007

JOKES

I love jokes, especially bad ones...
I have asked my friends and students from university to tell me a joke for my blog.
I will start with my favourite joke at the moment which is

A FONT WENT INTO A BAR AND ASKED FOR A DRINK, THE BAR MANAGER SAID OI YOU GET OUT!
WE DONT WANT YOUR TYPE IN HERE.

These jokes are from my friends.

A CANINBAL SAID TO HIS WIFE "I DON'T LIKE YOUR MOTHER" THE WIFE REPLIED "WELL JUST EAT THE CHIPS"

WHAT DO YOU CALL A DEER WITH NO EYES? I HAVE NO EYE DEER

HOW MUCH DO COCKNEYS PAY FOR THIER SHAMPOO? A PAAAND TEN

WHAT HAPPENED TO THE CROSS EYED CIRCUMCIST? HE GOT THE SACK

AN ELEPHANT SAYS TO A CMAEL "WHY ARE YOUR BOOBS ON YOUR BACK"? THE CAMEL SAYS "THATS A GOOD ONE COMING FROM SOMEONE WITH THIER COCK ON THIER FACE

A 70 YO OLD COUPLE WERE SHAGGING AGAINST A FENCE FOR 40 MINUTES THEY SHAGGED LIKE PORN STARS LEGS AND ARMS FLAYING EVERYWHERE THE OLD LADY SAID "YOU DIDN'T SHAG ME LIKE THAT 40 YEARS AGO" THE OLD MAN SAID "THE FENCE WASN'T ELECTRIC 40 YEARS AGO".

2 SAUSAGES IN A FRYING PAN 1 SAUSAGE TURNS TO THE OTHER AND SAYS "ITS A BIT HOT HERE" THE OTHER SAUSAGE SAYS "AAAH A TALKING SAUSAGE".

2 VERY PISSED TOMATOES WERE CROSSING THE ROAD IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT, 1 TOMATOE SAYS TO THE OTHER "WATCH OUT FOR THE C..PPFOOOF" 'WHAT C...PPFOOOF"

WHAT WOIOBLES AND FLIES?
A JELLICOPTOR.

2 COWS IN A FIELD, I COW TURNS TO THE OTHER AND SAYS MOOO
THE 2ND COW SAID I KNEW YOU WERE GOING TO SAY THAT.

WHAT HAS 2 LEGS AND BLEEDS ALOT?
HALF A CAT.

2 BIRDS SITTING ON A PERCH. ONE BIRD SAYS TO THE OTHER.
I CAN SMELL FISH.

A MAN IS LIKE A PACK OF CARDS.
YOU NEED A HEART TO LOVE HIM, A DIAMOND TO MARRY HIM, A CLUB TO KNCOK THE BASTARDS HEAD IN AND A SPADE TO BURY THE FUCKER...

WHY ARE MEN LIKE TOILETS?
THEY ARE EITHER ENGAGED OR FULL OF SHIT.

SUPERMAN IS FLYING IN THE SKY AND HE IS FEELING WELL HORNY AND HE'S THINKING I GOTTA GET ME A BIT OF SEX.
HE FLIES PAST THIS ROOF TOP AND SPOTS WONDERWOMAN SUNNING HERSELF AND NOT JUST SUNNING HERSELF BUT SPREAD EAGLED ON THIS ROOF SUNNING HERSELF, SO SUPERMAN THINKS TO HIMSELF, WELL IM AS FAST AS A SPEEDING BULLET, I COULD GET DOWN THERE DO THE DEED AND BE GONE BEFORE SHE IS ANY THE WISER. SO HE FLIES DOWN GIVES WONDERWOMAN A GOOD SEEING TO THEN FLIES OFF. WONDERWOMAN SAY'S OF MY GOD WHAT WAS THAT? AND THE INVISABLE MAN SAYS I DON'T KNOW BUT MY ASS IS KILLING ME.

A SLAES MAN IS OUT DOING HIS ROUNDS. HE WALKS UP TO A DOOR AND RINGS THE BUZZER. A MINUTE OR SO PASSES AND THE DOOR IS OPENED BY A BOY AROUND THE AGE OF 5 OR 6. THE BOY IS DRESSED IN HIS MOTHERS EVENING GOWN WEARING HIGH HEEL SHOES WITH A GLASS OF RED WINE IN 1 HAND AND A CIGAR IN THE OTHER. THE SALES MAN ASKS "ARE YOUR PARENTS AT HOME YOUNG MAN"? THE BOY REPLIES "DOES IT LOOK LIKE MY FUCKING PARENTS ARE HOME.

3 comments:

The Collective said...

my favourite joke:

How do you make a cat go woof?
Pour petrol on it, light it, it goes whhoooff!

sara

Rie said...

My favourite joke is:

#1 : Knock, Knock!
#2 : Who's there?
#3 : I dunnop
#4 : I dunnop who ....

The only knock knock joke to bring tears to my eyes ...

Wendy said...

Man: Waiter! This fish isn't as good as last week!
Waiter: Thats odd, Sir; Its the same fish.

Sorry its one of those ones where maybe you sigh in exhaustion not laugh! x